This piece is a new series from a new contributor to Momfilter, Tanya Fujiki-Hastings. Tanya writes the blog, T Spoon of Sunshine.
Hello, I am Tanya and it is my pleasure to meet you. Well, I am a mom and a widow.
Looking forward to the one-year remembrance of my late husband has left me with an array of emotions. Do I feel relieved that I had survived the first year? Surely. On the other side, I wish I did not have to undergo such in the first place. Either way, I feel stronger, proud, and happy.
Thinking about the “sad day” that made me look like a project for everyone, I was in much distress and I could see the pity and emotions on peoples’ faces. I vowed to take care of myself and my child. Being a mom can make one focus more on the child and pay little or no attention to oneself. It is an inevitable part of our lives especially for those we sincerely care about.
Since my 6 months daughter lost her father to a fatal accident that killed him, I have gathered different experiences in the last 10 months. I had traveled to different locations, read and cried a lot, met a lot of people, relocated with my daughter to a new place with few familiar faces. Within this time, I fell in love with someone.
This was tough on me because I did not want to be disappointed again. I felt I needed space before I can be happy again. Also, I felt people have a lot to say about my new happiness. Within me too, I felt restrain but we cannot help but fall in love, right?
I had a conversation with Ryan some weeks before his unfortunate accident. I asked what he would want me to do if he wasn’t with me, he said “I want you to keep moving on. I want you to fall in love again. I never want you to be sad, especially if it’s over me.” The answer was from his heart and it kept me on. The words kept me strong during my experiences.
Also, the experiences will take me beyond my destiny.
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POSTED IN: TALK. TAGGED: FIGURING IT OUT, GRIEF, PARENTING, SINGLE PARENTING.
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